DAY 1
I’m here,
In the now.
Tumbling hair,
Cold air.
Rain pouring,
Biting, into the ground.
Leaves green, bowed,
Trees, soaring, growing.
Clouds,
Flowing, watery,
Peaks,
In a cloud of smoke,
Mountains, a looming presence,
High, dark, rising.
Silence,
Pushing inwards,
Into me. Silence,
Drowns me, alone.
Not lonely, alone.
Need anybody? No, alone.
Need a hand to hold?
No, until I’m strong,
To guide, not follow.
The hand I need,
Needs no hand to hold.
All those who left,
All those who I made to leave,
Do I miss them? Yes.
Do I need them? No.
People, can’t let be.
They want to be wanted,
They want others.
They can’t let be,
To be independent.
Presence, not support.
Contradiction,
In my actions,
My thoughts, in a swirl
Of smoke. Sleep.
DAY 2
Sun, shining down, burning,
Mountain sides, rocks,
Hot, enticing.
I climb up, stepping,
On, a trail, pine leaves, cones,
Deer dropping.
Silence, not imploding,
Just thoughts flowing out, mixing,
With, the wind, crickets and rocks.
Breathing, heavy,
Rocks, hard,
Getting the smoke out of my system.
Heart, beating, finally,
Rising from the dead beat.
Cool wind, wide view,
Lots of places to jump, too,
But, death does not beckon me
As it does in the city.
Climb up, up,
Till you’re on all fours.
Then sit at the edge, a sheer fall,
A sheer face.
Sit, where life is as easy as death, a choice.
Flow down, with the path of the water,
Rocks, tumbling, rolling, dropping, but they’re not alive,
No hurt, no pain.
Flow down, to the road below,
To civilization, to humans. Sleep.
DAY 3
Two nights,
Feels like home,
Settled, a routine,
Delhi, a distant dream.
Silence, liberating, free,
A vacuum,
Waiting, to be filled,
With words, music, colours
But, I sit with silence,
Rare in the city,
Rarer inside my head
I sit, in silence,
With the ticking​ of the wall clock,
A countdown to my journey back.
Mountains, still rise,
Untouchable, unmoving,
Unfeeling.
A quite stolidity,
That I wish I have, more.
DAY 4
Nainital.
Water, sparkling, shimmering,
Responding to the blowing
Wind, cool, with touches of warm
Sunshine,
Slopes, rising, trees, buildings.
Seems like the Earth falls away beyond,
Where the two slopes meet.
Cool, burning sunshine.
Fish, following the water.
Still, some, break away, jump out of the water.
As if water ain’t enough to breath.
Funny, how some always want to breathe something more.
People, too many.
Roaming, buzzing, walking by.
Trying to grab everything worth their money.
Shopping, shopping as if there aren’t shops where they come from.
Selfies, as if their front cameras haven’t captured them enough back home.
I sit, and watch.
I sit.
Train, back to home.
I notice, there are no baby smells,
Only Johnsons and Doves.
Very disconcerting.
I’m back in the city.
Spiral into me 